


John's Wrath

by bugbites



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Choking, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Oral Sex, POV First Person, Sexual Abuse, Submission, Torture, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-06 20:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14655690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugbites/pseuds/bugbites
Summary: The cat caught the mouse.





	1. Etch

**Author's Note:**

> Just trying something out. This will by no means demonstrate a healthy or desirable relationship.  
> I'm sorry about the quality, I've been sitting on this for a few days.  
> Please be sure to take care of yourselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last updated 9/4/18

He'd just left. Sauntered right out. Right after just trying to wring my neck and promising infinite amounts of the most intimate forms of pain. Just as happily as he'd arrived even -- he left with that same wicked grin he wore on his face when he'd played at drowning me not too terribly long before. Except back then, I had the energy to at least kick my legs.

I had managed to scoot the chair just a few feet before I felt the cold ground against my face, the heavy smell of iron hanging in the air threatening me with nausea. Trying to recall what happened before I got here, I let my head fall in defeat and grit my teeth. Just how many of those _damned_ Bliss bullets did I get hit by to get me this fucked up?

Then that familiar whistling started growing louder through the halls.

" _Fuck_..."

I made a fruitless attempt at pulling at least my hands free before going limp. My head felt like it was full of smoke -- spinning and whirling bright lights and quiet whispers bouncing around -- and I was sore all over. My hands clenched into fists before entirely relaxing.  _Helpless_. I was absolutely helpless and I hated it. I couldn't even lift my head to see him open the door and let out a mocking snort.

"Ahhh... How refreshing. Even now you still think it's possible to escape," I heard him stalk towards me and harshen his tone, letting raw excitement drip from his words. "You think that somehow -- _some_ _way_ \-- you're going to make it out of this place _all on your own_ ; have another chance to play more of your little games, be the hero and..." I tasted blood as I bit my lip at the sound of tools rattling against each other and footsteps growing closer. His voice came calm and smooth, " _Submerge_ yourself -- drownin your _sins_."

Suddenly the world spun around and I was facing a blurry ceiling, yet all I could see was that evil fucking smile looming over me. Being surrounded by those glittering lights made the fire in his eyes burn that much brighter somehow.

 

"Very well. I will give you the opportunity you crave so badly," the ropes around my wrists fell to the floor with a soft thump as he pushed himself up onto his feet and took a few steps back.

"Go on then. Give it your all. Try your _very best_ to escape from me. I _promise_ you I will still have your confession before you're able to make it out of this room. You will receive your mark." From the door, he began to take soft, slow steps towards me. He was _enjoying_ this. He was absolutely loving this. It was like a game to him and the thought of being toyed with by him made my heart race with a horrible, vulnerable sort of fear, mixed with a distant anger.

 

Rolling over to pull my heavy body off of the chair, I slowly pushed myself up onto my elbows and managed to get myself up on all fours. The panic really started to set in when it became frighteningly clear that he was right. I could barely will my limbs to move. I wouldn't be going anywhere... much less fending him off. I wiped a cold sweat from my forehead and gave all my strength to pull myself along the floor, collapsing after moving just a few inches forward. All it took was one hard kick to my side and he had me sprawled out on my back, crying in pain at the sting of an open wound being hit in just the right spot. He straddled my waist and smirked down at me with a sinister snicker.

"You cannot run, Deputy. You will not escape. And now the time has come... You will reveal your every fear, your every weakness -- _realize your every sin._  Here and now."

 

My shirt came free with a loud tear and I tried in vain to keep down a pathetically weak whimper. I gave what strength I could muster to shove him off of me and cursed under my breath when I couldn't even manage to keep his hand from nearing my face. His thumb gently stroked over my cheek, eyes hungrily and thoroughly examining my exposed body. Goosebumps pricked at my skin as his fingers traced softly down my neck, then down along my collar bone to brush my breast before suddenly locking tightly and painfully around my throat.

"You will suffer __greatly__  for the things you have done, Deputy -- the destruction you have so apathetically brought upon this land, the _lives_ you have so ruthlessly taken. You will _cry_ out for mercy! You will __beg__  for salvation! And only when the last of your sins has bled out of you -- come  _gushing_ and _flooding_ from the physical proof of your _transgressions,_ " his grip tightened as he tried to quiet the growls in the back of his throat, "Only then will you truly be ready to atone."

I took in a deep, shakey breath when his face softened into a smile and he released me, but choked on a gasp as he slid himself down to rest on my hips. Tears burned at my eyes from the lingering feeling of the humiliation alone. I couldn't fight them back this time and they stung at the cuts on my cheeks.

"Now then..." He inhaled sharply, "Let's begin."

The sound of metal clicking and clanging sent a cold chill down my spine. This was really going to happen and I couldn't will myself away from this place.

"Please," I choked out, my voice coming out much higher and weaker than intended. I swallowed hard. The world was out of focus and blurry, but I was still just present enough to feel everything, especially the faint tingling of his finger on my lips

"Shhhh," an amused grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. He shuffled on top of me, pressing himself closer, "None of that. There will be plenty of time for that, I assure you."

_Buzzing._

"No!" I cried out, grasping at his hand. My resistance was met with a sigh and the return of silence. He took in a deep breath, grabbing my wrist and holding it for a moment before looking back down into my eyes. Sharp pain shot through my arm to my chest as he slammed my hand down against the floor above my head, hard. His other arm pulled back and delivering a harsh blow to my face before I had time to react.

"You see," he said with a laugh, "That's exactly what I'm talking about -- you _fight_ it. You  _reject_ my help. You don't  _listen_! You _refuse_ to say _yes_!" Gripping my chin, he forced my head back and leaned in close enough for me to feel him breathe shakily -- _excitedly_ \-- against the skin on my neck. His eyes met mine for a moment before wandering back to my exposed skin. "Tell me, what makes you so... defiant? I know I've _warned_ you of the consequences of your resistance." His eyes lingered, the same ill-intent I'd grown used to seeing in them darkened as his grip on my wrist tightened. A broken noise escaped his throat, then he leaned in and bit at the angle of my neck. Hard. I tried to cover my mouth with my free hand to keep myself from whimpering as he growled and softly groaned, eyes closed, fingers lightly tracing along my face before snapping into a fist in my hair. "I  _will_ make you say yes, Deputy," he pulled back to gaze at my pained face, "It's only a matter of time. And we have as much time as we could _ever_  hope for here. Just _you_ and _me_..."

I squirmed against him, but it was no use. He held me in place with his body and I couldn't wiggle my head from where he held it. Then I felt it. Something prodding at me, just where...

_Oh, God._

Desperate, I gave one more weak attempt at escaping, and he simply laughed out loud -- maliciously and coldly as he took note of my discomfort. While I was struggling to turn my face away, he jerked my head back into place and pressed his chest into mine, grinding into me softly, yet without mercy.

"Ahhh... You've gone pale, Deputy." He teased at me and lightly kissed at the marks he'd left, sending an awful shiver through my body. "You didn't think you could hide your true self from me, did you?"

A loud slam rang against the ground next to my ear and caused me to jump, my head now free to fall to the side. I sucked in air through my teeth, scratching at his face. Too close. Too close to mine. Too close to me.

He hissed and recoiled, bringing a hand up to check for blood. Brows furrowing at the sight of a small drop, he glared straight through me and struck me hard with the back of his hand. I let out a stifled whimper before hearing myself choke. Fingers clenched around my neck with what felt like crushing force -- this time he was _angry_. I doubted he could even see my face.

After a few painful moments of trying to suck air into my lungs, I finally saw him shake his head and take a breath, laughing before releasing me to gasp greedily for oxygen. Sounding like a young boy having just torn the wings from a fly.

"I know your sin," his tone was tinted with quiet anger, "It drives you. Every thought, every action. Your sin is Wrath."

I clenched my eyes shut when I heard the buzzing start up again. "I will ask you once and once only, so consider your options carefully. Will you accept your sin willingly -- allow yourself to be marked and begin to atone?"

_No._

Even now, I had that voice in the back of my head telling me not to accept this; telling me to fight, no matter the odds. My silence was met with a frown and a click of his tongue.

"That's a shame," he said in a low voice. Suddenly his hand clamped down on my mouth, holding my head in place with ease and an overwhelming sense of dominance. I tried to protest, but could make no sound and let my hands fall beside my head. This only excited him further as he rubbed uncomfortably against me, grunting as he lost himself for a moment before smiling down at me again.

I heard myself let out a muffled cry before I realized I felt the needle pierce my unprepared skin. Tears rolled down the side of my face as he began to etch the word into me, retracing repeatedly over my irritated, burning skin. He groaned with delight as he wiped away drops of blood, focusing more on the pain he was inflicting and relishing the moment than keeping his arousal subtle.

Once he had finished carving WRATH into my chest, he released his hold on my mouth. I choked on my sobs, trying desperately to keep them down with no success. It was better for him if I couldn't hide the pain he happily inflicted. He grinned, admiring his work with a satisfied breath.

"Perfect," he said, tracing over the burning letters with two fingers. His eyes wandered back up to my eyes after a moment. "You know, I have to be honest with you, Deputy. I've been looking forward to our time together here ever since I first laid my eyes on you... Looking forward to _peeling_ away your layers, one by one, uncovering everything you have fought  _so hard_ to keep hidden from me..." He ran his hand up to drag his finger over my lips with a chuckle. I could faintly taste the blood he had drawn and it made my head spin. "You, Deputy, have _more_ than piqued my interest. I'm going to _expose_ everything you've never shown a _soul_."

His hands rolled down over my hips before starting to undo my pants. I shuffled uncomfortably, trying to pull my legs away, but he yanked me against him, grabbing greedily at my thigh.

"No," I begged quietly, "Please, _no_..."

"Shhh, shhh," he stroked the back of his hand down my cheek, "The _harder_ you fight this, the _harder_ it'll be to absolve you of your sins," he tore through what was left of my clothes like a starving cougar would tear through flesh, then repositioned himself with grace. "Ahhh. That's better... You haven't made this easy for either of us, but... you will soon know better than to _test my patience_. And I _do_ want you to remember that I had given you a _choice_ in this _._ You choose to bite the hand that feeds every time without fail. Too _prideful_ to say just one word -- to just say _yes._ "

I heard him getting settled as I rolled my head back, trying to focus on something -- anything -- other than this. The Bliss was beginning to wear off little by little, and I still didn't have the strength in me to get out of this. He had me tight in his trap and he wasn't letting go. My fear caught in my throat as the only other things I could see were no more pleasant. Only the shredded, tattooed strips of skin could come into focus. I choked back a whine and decided it was better to close my eyes than to see anything, but this was met with a hard slap, my head rolling to the side. He held my chin, forcing my eyes to level with his.

"That's no good," his voice rang out like a man scolding a disobedient dog, "You have to _look at me,_ Deputy. I want you to look at me. _Open_ your _eyes_." He dug his fingers into a fresh bruise, causing me to hiss and reluctantly, slowly part my eyelids. I was met immediately with the cruel blue hunger of his gaze, I felt myself go limp, completely unable to hide my fear and exhaustion.

He smiled down at me, "That's more like it." Lining himself up with my entrance, quieting his voice, "You have no idea how many times I've thought of this moment, though I admit this isn't how I personally _thought_  it would happen." He kissed and nipped up my neck to the base of my jaw. "I'm going to fill you to the brim with the worst things you can _possibly_ imagine, and then I am going to do so again, and again, and _again_..." He snarled right beside my ear, "I'm going to punish you for _everything_ you've _ever_ done -- and... for _tempting_ me as you have..."

I whined in protest as he suddenly pushed himself inside of me, letting out a pleased grunt as he did so. My breath caught in my throat and seemed to suffocate me, clenching my eyes shut as what felt like fire began climbing up to my stomach as he began to thrust -- deep, hard, and fast. I gasped for air before letting out a broken howl. It felt like something was tearing me apart from the inside out. Like he was trying to take something from me and he was more than succeeding.

"This," he panted, squeezing roughly at my chest before running his tongue along my jaw, "This is a good look for you, Deputy." He huffed and moaned each time I so much as let out a squeak, seeming to gain vigor as I lost my strength to each unrestrained thrust. Teeth biting down and breaking my skin, he snickered at my screaming as he nipped along my neck, along my chest, and my breasts. Every second had him more and more excited, his pace becoming more and more erratic -- violent, and his voice becoming louder and more animalistic.

"Yes," he groaned against my skin, " _Yes_! Ahh... You're so...!" He stared down into my eyes, bringing his hand back up to my neck and once again trying to squeeze the life from my eyes. I choked on my whimpers, tears pouring from my eyes.

He cursed under his breath, grunting and moaning as he slammed his hips into mine with unbridled rage. Or maybe it was something else.

Right as I was starting to fade, it felt like something inside of me had snapped and I was filled with a horrible heat. I gasped as he let go of my throat again, bringing me back around to his satisfied sighs as he pumped into me just a few more seconds too long.

He smiled down at me, still stretching me out painfully, his seed overflowing.

"We're going to have a lot of fun together, Deputy."


	2. Carve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drink my tears, I'm at your mercy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last updated 9/5/18

My legs failed me, giving in as I willed myself -- urged myself to run from the fast approaching voice pursuing me. Instinctively, I pull my hands up to my face as I fell, screaming as the ground shatters just moments before my body can meet it -- leaving me falling through darkness as savage laughter rings from all around, echoing in my head and making my heart pound, almost enough to make me explode, when...

"Now, now,   _Deputy_... Did you _really_ think you could get away?"

And I jolt awake as I land hard against his chest, into his open arms. I gulp down my lingering fear, deathly afraid to wake the figure sleeping beside me, one arm wrapped tightly around me. I let my eyes wander the dark around me, shifting slightly as the collar around my neck dug into my skin. All I could really make out was the gleam of the moon against the small chain keeping me here, restrained to his bed.

I closed my eyes, hoping to get even just a little bit more sleep. Try as I might, the memories would play like old projections behind my eyelids.

I had tried just once to escape up to that point. After what I'd been told had been about a month's time; a month of trying so hard to resist him. That's what made up his mind. He'd clamped the wretched thing around my neck that night after beating the fight right out of me, taunting me with mentions of my comrades and burning insults into my mind. He'd pulled hard on the chain, keeping it taut as he slowly etched the word PRIDE into my shoulder blade, pinning me on my stomach as he pressed a knee firmly against my back.

"You don't seem to _hear_ me when I tell you that you're only hurting _yourself_ by continuing to _resist_. Or perhaps you're ignoring my warnings on purpose, _"_ he'd hissed in my ear, growing angrier by the second. "You would rather risk  _death_ than just say  _one word_. One word that could _save_ you -- save _all_ of your friends even! Do you really believe yourself _that_ important? Do you  _really_  think you're that  _strong_ all on your own?"

Gentle as always when running his fingers along the back of my neck, only to slam my head into the ground and proceed to carve my sin into my bruised and broken flesh.

When it was finished, he spent what felt like an eternity just taking heavy breaths and marveling at his work. I could hear him getting himself worked up, feel his heart quicken and his blood start to pump faster and faster.

"You have my  _full_ attention now, Deputy. You seem to want it so..." He squeezed against my jaw, staring intently at my lips. " _So desperately_."

Shortly after that he'd started to pull me along by chain and collar most places he went. In the event that he had to leave Holland Valley, he preferred to keep me in cages.

Otherwise, he would leave me tethered to his bed when he had places to be. Reminding me every time that I was never to move out of the short range of my glorified leash. Occasionally when out dragging me along at his side like a lowly dog, he would smile and pull me close, feeling me up, kissing me, biting me, tearing away bits of clothing where everyone could see. After thoroughly humiliating me, he seemed to get some kind of kick out of knocking me to the ground around his men, asserting some sort of prideful dominance over them as well as reminding me of my place. Below him. Some of them cheered upon recognizing me, some would look away, some just watched. Expressionless.

Over a short amount of time, I came to realize he had a different way of laughing when he was in the middle of torturing a person -- twisting the knife every which way he could. And as far as toys were concerned, I was his favorite toy. It made him shine to tear me to bits, gather them together and patch them together for the next day. Always eager to pry the seams apart again.

He knew exactly which buttons to press and which words to say to make every single cut he made burn the longest -- each of his words stick around all night.

Ono ccasion he made a point of having one of his men bring him a riding crop -- locking the door as the man would turn and leave without question -- and then chaining me to the bed, easily holding me down as he lashed my skin until he could see that he'd drawn blood. It brought him great pleasure to take whatever even so much as rubbed him the wrong way that day out on my me -- on my body, using whatever he had available. Making sure those that needed to -- as well as those that didn't -- would hear as he slowly ripped me open and tore out anything he so happened to desire. Sometimes he would just sit and stare at my naked figure for what felt like forever, not saying a word. Intentions not made clear, just watching. Watching. Should I try to make an attempt to cover myself, he would brandish the riding crop, a knife, or whatever else he could find once more. He made the rules, he gave the orders, and I followed them. And he made sure I intimately knew the pain that awaited me if I ever forgot.

The worst of it would come when he was gentle with me. After all, his touch didn't only bring pain; it could bring ecstasy. Just one touch could unravel me, and he knew this all too well. Just one kiss alone could send electric waves through my entire body and leave me shaking, begging for more. It was when he would hold me, gently caressed my skin, my hair, whispered sweet promises into my ear, even quietly sing to me -- that was when I couldn't stop shaking. I'm sure he could clearly see the comfort I felt each time he showed me that kindness. I knew he could. With how he would hold it over me when he was mad, or when I was being punished again.

"I do _so much_ for you, and _this_ is how you repay me?"

This was the same hand that struck me down and embedded itself in my skin; the same voice that forced itself under my bones and rang in my head on and on. The same man that had broken my spirit -- taught me to obey his every command without hesitation.

I hated the weakness that had only grown in me since that day. I hated the way he took the fight right out of my heart, and the way he could strike fear into my soul with only a single glance. But the thing I hated the most was that he was right.

I felt my head swirling downward in an endless loop. I waited to crash.

"It's  _long_ past time to wake up," his smooth voice brought me out of my restless dreams. He climbed on top of me, his skin hot against mine, and traced his fingers down along my hips, where he had marked me with LUST three times -- stacked on top of each other like a tower. "You've had more than enough rest, Sinner."

"I'm sorry," my voice came out weak and broken.

"Shhh, shhh," he gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand with that smile I'd grown so familiar with, "I know you are."

Eyes exploring his handiwork, his hands wandered over the bruises and cuts on my body for a moment before he stood and walked into the hall. I stared at the sunlight dancing on the floor; filtering in through the billowing white curtains. It was a moment of peace, but I knew I couldn't count on it. It was another sight to bottle up and keep in the back of my mind.

"Put this on," he said as he came back along to the side of the bed and tossed a simple, small, white dress in front of me, taking the chain from where it was locked to the railing and letting it fall to the ground. "Be quick about it."

Not wanting to make him angry so early, I slipped the fabric over my shoulders as he buttoned up his shirt. Once I had the dress on, he ran the smooth chain through his fingers, making me gasp as he gave it a hard yank; signaling for me to rush to my feet.

I tripped after him as he started to walk at a brisk pace, nearly falling to my knees as he tugged at the chain. He was practically dragging me. The sun stung at my eyes when he opened the door to the balcony, pulling me outside. Closing the door, he stood close to the railing in front of me and stared at the sky for a moment. I couldn't help staring at it, too. It was beautiful -- pink light dancing with yellow, a few wisps crawling across the sky, the colors blended together quietly like a delicate painting

"I'll be out late tonight. It seems some of your...  _old friends_ have been causing trouble out near Fall's End. Trouble that has already cost  _many_ their _lives_." He turned on his heel, glaring down into my eyes with an intense heat. My fault. I turned my gaze down to apologize, but found I didn't have time as he pulled me in close to his face, nearly lifting me off of my feet. It was hard to breathe and I was on my toes.

"I trust that you'll have your energy about you by then. You w _ill need_ it, I promise you. I don't want you passing out before you can understand the weight of their actions -- the pain _you_ have caused. The pain you  _continue_ to cause..."

He tilted my chin up to force me to meet his eyes, " _Will you accept your punishment_?"

I was too terrified to speak at first, just letting a small squeak trail off of a shallow breath. He frowned. I gulped. There was only one right answer. I knew I had to say, "Yes."

"Oh, _good girl_!" He beamed down at me, darkness shading his eyes, "Really, I'm so glad you've come around. Even the guiltiest of us can be forgiven, and you are _well_ on your way, Sinner. You've done well so far." He brushed a strand of loose hair from my eyes, gazing at me almost like a loving husband. "You won't regret this," he repeated softly, "I promise."

He held me for just seconds there in the morning rays of late summer, warm and calm for only the moment it would last. I'd become familiar with his scent -- the smell of fancy cologne and hot earth -- in the best and worst ways I could have ever imagined, yet here I was smiling as the man that kept me prisoner embraced me as a lover would. Here I was hoping this moment would last a lifetime.

"If you continue to behave and take it all, it will go _much_ faster. Be good while I'm away. I  _will_ find out if you so much as _think_ of trying something." He smiled warmly at me, making my heart skip a beat. I hated the ways he could make me feel. "But I have faith that you know better. Wait patiently for me and I'll be back before you know it."

These words made the edges of my world blur.

"I'll be back before you know it, Dep," I heard Sharky's cheerful voice in the back of my head. I could see him standing there in front of me again, shuffling around awkwardly with that goofy smile of his on his face. "I just gotta take care of somethin' real quick and then I'll be right back here, promise. Don't go nowhere, okay?"

Of course, that had been the last time we'd talked. Just minutes before John's men spotted me and opened fire, the air raining bullets packed full of Bliss. One hit knocked me back, falling out of my body, I felt the wind blowing as I saw Sharky come back to the spot he'd left me. I saw him letting his rage out on a tree as he screamed incoherently before falling to his knees, tears starting to fall when he saw a small splatter of my own blood on the ground.

I'd heard him being dragged to John's front door the second night after I was brought here. The followers said they'd been able to find him because of a massive forest fire -- one that had started not too far from where they had found me -- yelling and screaming for someone to show their face. Someone that would lead him to me. I hadn't heard of him since then. I felt my chest grow heavier every day thinking of the allies I'd left behind. The friends I had failed.

"I won't let you down, Dep."

And as the world shattered again, I jumped at the sight of my reflection above the bed.

Grateful to be present, I figured I had fallen asleep in my place on the bed shortly after he left without realizing it. When I woke up, I held tightly to his pillow and found my legs sprawled across the width of the sheets. An angry red heat rushed up my cheeks and threatened to make me cry. Clearing my throat, I readjusted and rolled onto my other side. I ran my fingers through my hair. It had grown since I first came here and it clung to my damp skin.

Take a breath, I told myself. In and out.

Witha sigh, I sat up and rummaged through the drawer beside me. It wasn't much, but he had given me some things to do while I waited for him to come back -- waited for him to snap at me again, to tear through the wounds he had cleaned to open new ones; each deeper and messier than the last. I plucked a small, hand-held mirror from the drawer and plucked a hairbrush from the back.

Holding the mirror up to my face, I could see the garden of bruises coloring my skin, some yellowing, others dark and somewhat red. Those were his favorites. My hair was a mess, tangling together where he had held it firmly in his fist and pulled on it the night before. My eyes looked practically lifeless. Funny how many things can change in what felt like such a small amount of time.

I set to fighting the knots out as best I could. He would mess it up again, but he got angrier when I would leave it that way. He always got angrier when I gave up.

I sighed upon completing my task. It would be awhile before he came, but I was dreading it deep in my heart. I knew that he blamed me for their actions, and that I might receive a new mark for it. I kind of blamed myself, too. In my core I knew it was my fault. Had I just _walked away_...

No, I decided, there wasn't time for that. _The past can't be changed_.

Fear froze my fingertips and nipped along my back as I imagined his fury -- the excitement and power he felt as he pounded me into dust. The way he dug into me and cut into my skin all with a big smile on his face. The sounds he made as he greedily got to know every inch of my body. It was all his, he'd said. And I knew he was right. 

The doorknob started to jiggle and I heard the lock come undone. Afraid, I pulled my knees up close to my chest and waited for the door to fly open and slam against the wall.

But the sound never came. Instead I heard a gentle creak and a soft footstep before it closed again. Only he carried the key with him, unless...

I lifted my head up and was met with the figure of a woman. I knew her.

"Holly," I said, lowering my head. I didn't really know who she was, but she seemed to have gained more of his trust than some of the others. She quietly returned my greeting with a nod.

Only she was allowed in there with me, and even then it was usually only to help me bathe in his absence.

"Are you ready?" She asked. I nodded.

After finishing up in the bathroom, I was returned to my place on the bed. The only other thing he had provided for me was one of the cult's bibles, and I had never touched it even once. I preferred staring at the ceiling in silence, but I knew I would one day have to pick it up and read it cover to cover. Again and again. I'm sure he had expected that I'd done so already. I was afraid to find out how he'd react when he realized it had done nothing all this time but collect dust.

I closed my eyes, taking a slow and deep breath. Thinking about it like this only served to make me more anxious. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach -- the seeds of terror-fueled subordination he had planted in me. It made me want to tear it out of me with my own hands, though there was nothing real there. The tattoos had been proof enough of that. Without thinking about it, my hand came to touch the scar upon my chest. WRATH had been there once not too long ago. Now it was hung above the...

I gulped down the urge to cry. Not right now. I wouldn't think about this right now, I decided. I fell back against the smoothness of the sheets, letting my eyes fall closed and focusing on my breathing.

I drifted off once more to the sound of leaves rustling against each other as the sun started to go down. Bird still singing quietly, golden light behind my eyes...

And when I sat up, I was back in the same room I had initially been brought to to receive my first mark. Heavy iron smell hanging in the air, eerie silence, and a video camera pointed where I lay against the metal. Panicking, I try to jump up to run, but I'm shoved back to the ground by an invisible force. No, not a force, a chain wrapped around my entire body, tightening around me and pulling me back against  something hard. I fought against it, breath unsteady and fast. It tightened again as I struggled.

Then the door opened. Footsteps. Silence. I clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to look up to see him standing above me with that hungry glare. Not again. After a moment something felt off. He wasn't saying anything. I couldn't help it, I threw my head to the side and opened my eyes up wide.

"You failed me, Rook," muttered a forlorn, broken Hudson struggling to stand in front of me, "You failed all of us."

I stared at her silently. I couldn't say a word, no matter how hard I tried to scream out how sorry I was. Sorry that I couldn't help her. Sorry that I couldn't help any of them. In the end, all of my friends -- everyone I cared about -- every one of them got hurt or possibly worse because of _me_. I choked down the heat of tears, taking in every second of her pain. She just stared at me in silence, her face stained with the same sickly colors as my own. I prayed that she would see it on my face, in my tears and silent cries, that I could never convey the guilt I felt. I could never tell her how sorry I was. I could never...

I jolted upright at the sound of the door slamming against the wall as it was thrown open. Rubbing my face, I saw his figure in the doorway, his eyes stuck through me like pins. I couldn't will myself to move and I felt my throat dry up like I had swallowed sand.

He wasn't wearing what he had left in. In fact, he looked like he had just finished up a long shower. He didn't look sloppy or casual by any means, but his usual dress shirt was loose.

"You're..."

"Stop," he said, holding out a hand, "Don't say another word." He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him and strolled over to the window. He stared past the sheer curtains and into the darkness for a moment before drawing the heavier blue ones closed. Standing in one place for a moment, he sighed and shook his head. His shoulders were tense.

"I came across someone today. Someone that wanted me to tell you _hello.._. Well, not exactly, but what he _really_ said isn't important for you to know." He turned around, a smile on his face and anger boiling in his eyes. "That Pastor Jerome... he was quite the _fighter_ , don't you agree?" He stepped towards the edge of the bed.

_Was_? I felt my heart catch in my throat.

"Unfortunately, he refused to listen to what we had to say,  _fighting_ until his very last breath... Tsk... A real shame, I have to say... Oh, but on the bright side, I  _will_ allow you to meet a few of your _other_ friends after they have just a little more time to themselves. They'll need to settle in, after all. I believe you're familiar with one Mary May?"

_Meet the others_?  _Mary May_?

"This could have been easy on you. On _all_ of you," he snatched my chin up, tilting my head back and eyeing my neck. "All of their pain is on  _your_ hands -- all of their  _blood_. All because you wanted to  _fight me_." His nails dug into the bruises on my cheeks, making my eyes sting with tears as I sucked in air through my teeth. He watched me for an eternity, drinking in my pain silently. He let out a breath and chuckled before letting up.

"But! You're _trying_. I can see that much, and it makes me  _so_ happy to see you starting to see things _our_ way." Running a hand through a lock of hair draped on my shoulder, he brushed it aside to get a good look at my neck. Covered in marks of his creation; bites, cuts, hickeys, bruises... Pride gave him a dark glow.

"You've learned so fast... I'll admit, I'm impressed." Resting his thigh on the bed between my knees, he leaned in close and gazed into my eyes with that hunger I'd become so familiar with, "If you keep being good like this, I might just have to reward you..."

As soon as his lips met mine I could feel myself melt. It made me feel like crying for some reason. I couldn't pinpoint the emotion I was feeling. He leaned his chest into me, pushing me back into the large mattress. Slowly pushing at the skirt of the dress, he moved his head to kiss and bite roughly at my neck. Tilting my head, I bit back a moan.

"Don't fight it," he said quietly, gently pulling the dress up and over my shoulders as I squirmed against his skin. I closed my eyes. It felt right. It felt good, and that's why it was wrong. I felt wrong.

"Wait," I put a hand up to his chest. It was hard to breathe and the heat of his skin made my cheeks burn. I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes and trying to cover my chest. " _Please._ "

He shook his head, making a disappointed sound and leaning back just a bit, "And you were doing  _so well._ " I yelped when he gripped my ankle and tossed me, making me roll onto my stomach. I clawed at the bedding, trying to get some distance between us, but he pulled the collar tight around my neck, cutting off my air as he loved to do. Fist wrapped around the chain, he whispered, " _Let me save you,_ " and bit my ear. I choked as I gasped, his tight grip on my hip forcing me to reposition back against him. Right where he wanted me to be. I buried my face in my arms, shaking and letting the tears fall. I could hear and feel him shuffle against me as he undressed himself. Quickly, greedily eyeing my body.

I cried out as he closed his other fist around my hair, yanking my head back and hovering above me. Releasing the chain, he traced his fingers down along my neck before roughly grabbing at my breasts. I tried to hold my breath, but I couldn't hold in my whimpers when he started pinching and crushing me. He bit at the most sensitive skin on my neck as he started to grind into me. I whined, hating the mixing sensations as they shot down my spine. My fidgeting made him growl, pulling back and slamming my face into the bedding.

A scream caught in my throat as he rammed into me, the feeling of being torn open again singeing my nerves.

"Ahhh! That's more like it!" He let out a low growl, making a point of pulling back slowly before he started violently snapping his hips into me. It felt like he was trying to shatter my body like a glass egg -- break me into pieces. But it was that pain and that feeling that struck me in just the right place, and that made my suffering that much louder. That much more obvious. He groaned at my senseless begging, picking up the pace and thrusting with more strength than he had before. It was unbearable. I howled.

"Shut the  _fuck_ up!" He snapped, pushing my face away before yanking back on the chain, knuckles clenched white just inches from the collar. I screamed, but made no sound. His other hand gripped my chin and held me in place. Then he buried his teeth in my shoulder like a wild animal, trembling with the urge to give in to bloodlust. His thrusts became erratic and his voice became louder as he grunted and branded insults on my skin with his tongue.

I felt like part of me was dying. I was about to be thrown over the edge when I felt the relief of being free of him inside me, only to burn with shame at the heat that stained my back. The satisfaction that rang from his voice and filled the air around me. And then the release of the pressure on my neck.

Tightly grasping my arm, he hauled me off of the bed and stood above me, lightly stroking my hair.

"You're in trouble, Sinner. Don't think I'll let you off easy. I'm going to make sure you remember that  _all_ of this -- every single tiny  _part of it_ \-- is  _all your fault._ " He tilted my head up, smiling down at my worn out face. He held himself up to me.

"Now, let's see to it that you _properly_ serve your purpose."

 

Lying beside him, his arm wrapped around me as his chest steadily rose and fell, I stared into the darkness of the night. I was glad to be barely awake, but the pain was what kept my eyes open. I let myself study his face for just a second before looking away again. He looked content.

He had helped me clean up after he had finally gotten tired of playing with me. I had no idea how long it really lasted, I'd started to fade in and out almost immediately after that, though the aching told me my body remembered all too well. He held me close when we got back, gently caressing my face and tracing lightly up and down my back. I let myself fall into him, knowing I couldn't fight it, and that I didn't want to right now. The warmth of his embrace calmed the cold sting I felt inside of me just a little and I wanted to drown in it.

But the last thing he'd said still echoed in my mind.

"All you have to say is  _yes._ "


	3. Peel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll give my soul, sacrifice me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last updated 9/5/18

Heart beating out of my chest, I held my breath and pushed the foliage around me aside. The alarms had been raised by now, blaring through the air and making my whole body quiver. Sweat rolled down my forehead and I wiped it away. There really wasn't any going back anymore. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, waiting for my pursuers to pass me by. Yelling, running, lights everywhere, and the sound of guns being fired and passed around overwhelming my sense. It was chaos and, as expected, I had been the one to cause it. My first thoughts were of what he would do if he found me -- if I were to fail. The collar that had been put up on a shelf would be pulled down again if I was lucky. But if I wasn't... I fell back against a tree, fading into my memories.

 

I opened my eyes and I was back in that room again. He had been cutting and slashing at my arms and chest that day, trying again to get me to confess to something I couldn't grasp no matter how hard I tried. Every sound that escaped my lips fueled the animal inside of him, and by the time he came around again he had drawn too much blood. On the verge of passing out, I saw a man in white above me as John barked orders at him. And then nothing.

Behind my eyes, I once again sat before Hudson. Chains wrapped tight around my chest, I couldn't move. Their embrace left my skin feeling cold. And there above me she stood, staring blankly as a doll and crying silently. I could hear myself struggling to break free -- to get up and go to her. Opening my mouth, I found that I could speak this time.

"I'm sorry," I hoped my voice could carry the unexplainable feeling that had branded itself in my blood. "Joey, I'm so sorry!"

For what seemed like forever, she said nothing, continuing to stare sorrowfully down at me in silence. Suddenly, she threw her head back and laughed through her tears before locking her eyes on me once more, the same hopeless look in her eye I'd had burned into my mind so many times before.

"You really shouldn't lie, Rook."

It was then that I became aware something was different. The chains that held me were no longer cold -- in fact, they were as warm as...

"You are _mine_ ," he whispered into my ear, arms wrapped tightly around me. My voice no longer made a sound, I screamed silently as his hands reached out from the darkness behind me.

I'd woken up in a dark room, tears streaming down my face. There were oices nearby, but I couldn't tell what they were saying, or even if they were saying anything at all. Before long I passed out again, fading into darkness.

The next time I woke up, I was on the bed again. He sat beside me, head in his hands. He looked over at me when I sat up. I had never seen genuine worry in those evil eyes before, and it scared me more than the hatred that made them so intense any other time.

"You are _not_  leaving me," he had said as he held me tightly, almost enough to crush me, "You are _never_ leaving me. _No one will ever love you like I do._ "

The next day, as he relentlessly pounded into me and wrung my arm in his hand, he told me he'd met Nick Rye up in the sky just hours ago. Licking my tears as they fell, he laughed and moaned as he told me that Nick had gone down just as stubborn as he had gone up, and poor Kim would either see the truth or join him in his fiery grave. He told me it was up to me to make sure that she changed her mind and continued to live on.

And so I was given ten minutes that night.

"Like I would listen to a _traitor_ ," she called out over me and refused to hear my voice for even half a second, hate in her eyes.

I watched her bleed out that night as he pinned me down beside her, eagerly tearing what little clothing I had right off and scattering the scraps along the distance between us. My head held in place by his painful grip on my mouth, he panted and huffed into my ear as I was forced to watch her face twist in horror. I could hear his taunts, directed at both myself and Kim, though I couldn't make out a single word he burned into my head. I could see him looking between us out of the corner of my eye, his pleasure displayed openly and noisily. As he came closer and closer to the edge, I saw Kim's eyes turn to glass, but the pain remained frozen on her face long after the life in it had faded. He remained inside of me long after I felt the heat of his release, uncomfortably close and pressing me into the cold ground, whispering obscenities against my neck. I expected them to etch themselves into my skin in that very moment.

"Ahhh... The things you make me do," he sighed. "And yet... I don't think you've _quite_ learned your lesson here, Sinner." He chuckled at my obvious show of discomfort, pushing himself deeper into me and forcing a whimper out of me. " _Oh, look_  at  _that_! I can see the _excitement_ in your eyes, _feel_ it in your-- No, no! Don't fight it! You really don't have to continue on pretending you don't _enjoy_ this! _Give yourself to me._ "

As the night went on, he told me he had known what she would choose all along; that he knew I wasn't strong enough to pull her out of the deep hole her husband had put her in. I was _powerless_. I never would have been able to help any given one of them even from the start of all of this, let alone "save" them from themselves.

I was meant to be here, in his control -- _right_   _below him_.

 

When I snapped back to the present, I took in a shakey breath and looked around. Lucky there was no one in sight. The clamor fading into the distance, I decided to make a run for it. Rushing to a corner along the dirt path, I slipped and caught myself on a wooden post. I sucked in air through my teeth when the wood stung at my palms.

I sprinted down along the dirt and grass, diving behind a tree where the path split back to listen for something -- anything that would show me who the eyes I felt _stabbing_ into me from _somewhere_ belonged to. Nothing came and I knew I had to move. I ran down the incline, pushing through the trees and shrubs as I slid recklessly down a hill. I could see the river just beyond the road below. Foolishly, I made a break for it. The sharp rocks bit at my bare feet as I forced my burning, heavy legs onward.

A beam of light struck me in the face, the sound of footsteps coming to a sudden halt in the dirt and incomprehensible babbling clogging my ears.

" _There_! Get her!" Someone in the crowd cried out. The three or so of them that there were began to advance. Panicking, I dashed through the weeds, diving into the water I'd hoped so desperately to reach. It was colder than I expected and though it gnawed at my exposed skin, it felt good.

The current strong, I followed it to the shore on the other side. It was an uphill battle, but I had to get up into the trees before it was too late. Pain nipped at my ankles, my legs, my everything; but I swallowed the urge to cry for what I hoped was the final time. I had to push through this. I had to will myself to the top to be free...

Freedom in sight, my legs gave out at the top of the hill and I didn't feel myself hit the ground, but I could smell the pollen scattering from the flowers I'd landed on. I could see the river just downhill from where I was. I dragged myself onto my knees. Exhaustion pulsed with my heart and weighed down every muscle in my body.

It was all too broken to repair and I should have known. I should have known I couldn't make it at this point. I couldn't have made it out for a long while now. He had taken every piece of me he wanted and I would never get any of them back. They were his now. _I was his_.

I shouldn't have given myself time to contemplate what started as a spur of the moment idea. John had trusted me enough to let me stand on my own. To let me roam where I wanted. To go and see my old friends when they were transported closer to me. And so that was what I did.

Upon walking into the room he was in, I saw Sharky's features light up like a Christmas tree. Though he looked as shaggy and ragged as before, there were bruises, marks, and cuts on him the likes of which I had never seen before. I could see it. The largest of them, the darkest one covering his right eye, that one I knew to be from John himself. My heart sank. This was my fault, too.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you, Dep," he said, choking. That goofy smile on his face almost said nothing had changed at all. He was the only one left now.

"I'm so sorry..."

"No, no, come on. If you cry, I'm gonna cry." He knew it too. And so we both fell to our knees and cried there in that room, knowing we were what was left of the resistance. Knowing we had failed.

Three hours had passed before the door flew open, slamming hard against the wall, John's face dark and cold above me sending my heart off on a race. I cowered as he came closer, taking note of just how much space there was between Sharky and I.

"I see," he said. "So  _this_ is where you've been." He nodded to the guard behind him.

The sound of the door closing and locking had me backing into the nearest corner I could find. My heart pounding, I couldn't control my breath as I struggled to keep a scream from rising in my throat. He noticed this.

" _Come here, my dear. I just want to talk_."

Like being told to breathe, I obeyed his every order. When he told me to get down on my knees, I listened. When he told me to lie on my back, I listened. When he told me to open up, I listened. By the time he was done, I was exhausted. Laying there on my side, covered in fresh bites, bruises, and his semen. All with the one person I had left as an audience.

It excited him to watch Sharky wail and squirm, trying so hard to stop what was happening. Begging, pleading, he offered his life, not knowing it already belonged to the monster on top of me. Rutting against me, choking me, hitting me, spitting insults like poison, taunting and taking jabs at the husk of a man before us... It was too much. I couldn't hold in my pain and it all spilled out right in front of him.

He left us alone for about ten minutes after he had finished tormenting my body. I couldn't pick my eyes up off of the floor, a small pool of tears and a little bit of blood on the planks beside me.

In that moment, it was Sharky who proposed the idea to run. He told me we would meet up just before the next transport and he would get me out of here. That we would leave Hope County somehow and leave all of this behind. He wouldn't look at me either.

I should have stayed in his room. I should have stopped climbing onto the roof when I heard Holly gasp and run yelling his name. When I heard Sharky making a scene out in the open. When I heard the gunshots and then the silence. I should have gone back inside and just talked to her. Faced my own grief. But instead, I had chosen to run, almost slipped several times as I made my way to the back of the building and leapt into the bushes. Staying hidden among the leaves, I listened to a couple of passing followers as they made their rounds. It was on the run to the path to my escape that I heard his voice boom like thunder, loud and full of fury. He let out an incoherent yell and I heard something metallic crash against something else. Swearing and the dull roar of a small fire starting. Fear set my nerves ablaze.

" _Find her_!  _NOW!_ " His voice seemed to echo off of the night sky itself. My heart dropped, the fear starting to eat through my veins as I thought of nothing but getting away from where I was with every step. Rocks dug into my skin, but the pain made me run faster. Faster... I had to go  _faster._

An alarm shattered the silence of the night, followed by engines roaring to life, frenzied hollering, and scrambling cultists. The surprise had me slipping, catching myself on the ground and crawling behind a box of supplies that was supposed to be transported to the mountains the next day. I had been allowed to help get things set up during the day, so I had an idea of what I was looking out for. I had the way lined out in my head. The plan itself seemed like a last resort at the time, but I had been caught seriously contemplating it and this was the result. I chose this.

Voices had chased me as I made my way into the forest, hiding to watch the way I'd come.

Part of me screamed in protest, told me to go back inside and take whatever punishment I would receive for what she had seen. It told me to stay, to run into his arms and apologize. To tell him the truth: I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted him to love me. But there I had been, hiding from him and everything he stood for like an ungrateful, lying child. Maybe it was some kind of self sabotage, but part of me even then was hoping he would find me, and he sure as hell did.

 

Suddenly the world spun as I toppled downward, rolling before being yanked onto my knees by my hair. My eyes stung and the world was blurry, but I could make out the hidden blue of his shirt as he dragged me to my feet. My body was practically limp -- drained of what little energy I thought I had before. What little hope I had of escape shattered and dissolved like sugar in the damp grass around us.

His face was hard. No smiles, no playful glint in his eyes, just pure, unbridled rage stained with blood that wasn't his own. Without a word, he sent me to the ground with the back of his hand. My face burned where his struck me and the pain lingered on my cold skin. The air in my lungs was forced out with a quick kick to my ribs. A hard stomp. I coughed as he straddled my waist, fist tangling up in my hair and stinging at my scalp. His brow twitched, eyes like lightning and craving sweet revenge. He threw his head up and let out a loud, animalistic yell to the moon before pounding his fist into my broken face repeatedly. The pain seemed far away, but it hit me hard and fast along with the heavy taste of iron. I cried out, halfway between a howl and a sob, and let my limbs fall into the grass.

He panted, still for the moment as the pain bloomed and spread down into my body.

"Don't tell me you _actually_  thought this would work," he hissed down at me. "I've already told you! _Yo_ _u are not leaving me!_ " He leaned in, inches from my face. "You were _never_ strong enough to make it out of this place. Do you _not_ _understand_ that? Your ' _friends_ ' have _fallen_ , and what's left of them -- ohoh -- what's _left_ of them? They will _continue_ to fall. What more can they do for you? What more can you do for them? You are  _meant_ to be  _here_!"

"I-I'm-" I started, but was met with a harsh slap. Leaning further, his lip brushed against my ear as my head fell to the side.

" _Quiet_! I will  _not_ have you talking back to me. You are  _mine_ and _mine alone_." He studied me for a moment, tracing his eyes along the permanent marks he'd made and down to the more temporary ones. His voice came clear and cruel, " _All_ you had to do was  _say YES_. _All_ you had to do was  _listen to me._ But it seems that even after all this time -- even with all the _time_ _I've_   _given_ _you_ \-- you _still_ don't fully understand!"

His hands raced up to their usual place on my neck, right on time, just like clockwork. They trembled slightly, just enough for me to notice through my chilled nerves. It filled me with dread. I couldn't place what emotion had flooded his body and that scared me the most. He sealed his hands around my neck almost like he was wringing out a wet cloth. My eyes started to burn.

"But that's just fine. We have all the time we could _ever_ want. I _will make you understand._ "

 

An image of the full moon flashed through my mind. Just about a week ago, we ended up spending the whole night together. It was a night of intense passion -- this time for the both of us. I'd lost myself in the smell of his skin as he filled me to the brim with electric ecstasy. Drunk on his kiss, fingernails roaming the muscles on his back, and craving release by his touch more than anything, I begged him for more, more, _more_. It hadn't really been too different from normal if I really thought about it. At times he would make me beg him for more, whether I actually wanted it or not. He was always rough with me, except this time it had me seeing stars.

Tangled up with him that night, I felt right for the first time. It felt good and just this time -- oh, God, just this time it didn't feel wrong. Heat pulsed through my chest and out to the tips of my fingers, like sunlight pouring through me. I could feel myself getting close as he ground into me. All at once every nerve set ablaze like I'd been struck by sweet lightning and I could hear my broken voice getting louder and louder. Unrestrained and greedy. He growled into my ear, groaning as he thrusted deeper. Harder. I felt like I was going to fly away.

Our eyes locked together and I felt myself giving into that disgusting pleasure. Everything mixed together and then burst like a star, sending shivers down my spine as the currents shot through me and shook my bones. His breath hitched and he let out a desperate moan before I felt that familiar heat fill me once again. With shallow thrusts, he kissed along my neck as he rode it out. Then he pulled back, panting and just gazing at me before gently caressing my cheek and kissing me hard.

He didn't say anything more that night. Neither of us did. We sat outside and watched the stars in silence, his arm wrapped around me like a protective blanket. It was peaceful. I felt happy and safe for the first time in God knows how long there as he held me like I was the most precious treasure in the world. I felt free -- like he had given me that freedom.

I hated the comfort the idea of it alone brought me.

 

His touch now lacked the grace and care of that night, his grip maliciously tight. The world above me spun and began to fade at the edges of my vision. Even still I could feel the rage emanating from his fingertips, crawling through my skin and pounding in my head. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall as I subconsciously grasped at his wrist.

If it were true that he had really given me freedom, what sort of freedom hurt this badly?

How free could I be if I belonged to him forever? I could still hear the venom in his words. Occasionally he would hold me down with just one hand and tell me every single detail of the times he'd spend interrogating Mary May, getting closer to me as he went on. Exactly how she would squirm and shriek when he would press the blade into just the right spots. When he would beat her, mark her, punish her, touch her, or hurt her in any way I was the first to know. It excited him to see my heart break before my body could, though he liked it much more when he could do both at once. It filled him with a sense of pride that made his features glow brightly.

He absolutely loved knowing that he could have me on my knees with just one look, stripping down to nothing with the snap of his fingers, on my back with the wave of his hand. Though he loved it more when I showed even the slightest hint of defiance. He loved it when I tried to resist him.

Just the night before he had tied my arms behind my back and blindfolded me as he put on a recording of his earlier interrogation of Hudson. Each time her howls filled the room, he would whip my back, each time harder and harder than the last. He played it again as it came to a messy finish, singing to me as he cut my clothes into pieces -- tenderly stroking the welts and cuts he had engraved so deep into my skin. The third time around he suddenly shoved me down and ripped the guilt right out of my core, replacing it with shame and an ache that made it difficult to even move. Tearing off the blindfold, I was met with Hudson's cold eyes on my bloody, broken body. Whether she was alive or dead, I could not tell. The world around me becoming increasingly bright, little lights flittered before me, and then all was blank.

When I came to, I was where I had passed out on the floor, but entirely alone in cold, dark silence. What little light that had been in the room was snuffed out and the shadows seemed to leer over me, reaching for me -- they were going to tear me apart piece by piece. It wasn't like they hadn't already seen every single one of them, but they were not mine to give anymore. I jumped at a sudden movement among the darkness.

" _Kind of you to join us_."

He left his stains on me and he was so proud to see them, he told me he wanted to make more. He told me nothing suited me better than properly broken, humble eyes. I was only as useful as my body and only he knew how to use it best.

"Be a good girl and lie back now -- accept that _this_ is your _purpose._  Andknow that only _I_  will be the one to _give it to you_."

 

And then, back in the present, I felt a drop of rain on my cheek. Straining to focus my eyes, I could see that I was wrong. The sky was clear. It wasn't rain -- the stars were bright in the sky -- but falling tears mixing in among my own.

He was crying. _Crying._  Practically crushing my throat, he dramatically tightened his grip as his hands began to shake. I could see real pain seeping through the cracks in the mask he wore day in and day out. The way it made my heart ache made me feel somewhat dizzy.

"I love you," he choked on the wrath bubbling in his chest, voice shaking with raw emotion. " _I love you_... And you want to _take that from me..._ You want to  _leave me._ But you don't understand. You just don't  _get it._ " He clenched harder, the pressure building in my head as I tried in vain to fill my lungs. "You see, I _need_ you _. And I will make you need me just the same._ "

The cold soaked my body all the way through as the world slowly turned black around me.

 

When I opened my eyes, I saw an angel above me. A beautiful mannequin-esque man surrounded by bright, white light. Kind eyes and a smile that beckoned me to give him my everything. Arms outstretched, he gently took my wrists and pulled me into his chest, warming me down to my very core. His voice rang through the air like the sweetest song to grace my ears.

"Say it. _Now_. Tell me that you'll stay with me," he murmured.

Fear froze my blood. I could hear the word he had left off trailing behind me quietly.

_Forever_.

I felt every cut, scar, bruise, and mark begin to burn with a heat like a wildfire. The pain spread in waves and pricked every inch of my skin, getting faster every moment I remained silent. I could feel it all again. Every time he had torn into me, ripped me open and took what he wanted -- spilled my entire being on the floor and pushed it right back in after thoroughly shattering every piece that counted for something. When I opened my eyes, it felt like something inside of me had snapped. Just broken. But this time it wasn't pain. This time I wasn't scared. This time I could see the answer before me more clearly than I ever had before. I took a deep breath, letting myself melt into him.

"Yes, John."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the quality again. I may write more things along these lines if anyone is interested.  
> I really want to thank everyone who has supported this and I hope you guys have enjoyed the ride.
> 
> EDIT: I've been changing some things here and there.


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